We could (and should) talk about our accomplishments and accolades, but in today's world of Instagram, sponsored posts, influencers and relentless hashtagging, we thought, we should... at the very least,
TELL THE TRUTH
It was a stormy night in Tremilin(or something like that), when we stumbled into the Two Dragons Tavern(definitely something like that), a tavern that mainly consists of bards, and miners, not a place where you would see an Englishman, a Welshmen or a Scotsmen discuss quirky incidents.
In the corner we noticed an old lady sitting by the window....she was gesturing to me as if she knew me.
I, instinctively, moved in behind Laura and said,
"That lady, erm....whoda?"
"OH YES, it’s the lady, from the thing!" she said.
Within a flash, I thought "You're good with faces, I'm good with names...this is NOT going to work".
Within the second flash ".., our situation is dire! It can only lead to ..... At best, a social faux pas!
at worst, AT WORST, it can chip away at the stone monument we call marital bliss! "
"Can’t we just use facebook like everyone else!!!" My mind SCREAMED.
I never listen.
I've been told
Let's rewind a bit.
"OH YES, it’s the lady, from the thing!" she said.
"Honey,... The Lady from the Thing, really????"
"Yes, the Lady from the thing with the guy. Just ask ..."Whazzisface" about it"
"You want me to ask "Whazzisface" about a thing with the guy??"
"Weird old ladies smoking in tavern" wasn't a thing on facebook.
"....weird old lady STILL GESTURING at me" also, not a facebook thing.
Ignoring someone is easy…. if you don't sweat like you stole something ...in Harare, all while trying to "play it cool?"
I glanced at Laura… She looked at me and mouthed “GO!!!”
I immediately looked away, sweat trickling down my brow, and thought “Ah crap, now I have to ignore 2 people…
I looked at Laura and Mouthed back “NO!!”,
“GO!!!!” – she whisper-screamed.
I really only wanted to roll my eyes,
but at this point,
My whole body “rolled”. It was an outburst, a tantrum …a FREAKOUT!
Externally, a well-controlled shrugging of my shoulders and passive-aggressively mouthing (as loud as possible) “FINE!!!!!!!!!!”
All I have to do is gather all my metaphorical toys (henceforth known as my MANHOOD)….and, let’s face it, after a pretty poor performance thus far, I will be treading on metaphorical lego blocks for next couple of weeks.
As I walked over, I accidentally made EARLY eye contact with the lady and smiled widely, the second it happened I knew it was too soon.
I still had about 5 meters to go, my gaze now fixed on the weird lady, still sweat in my eye, however, I had this STUPID grin on my face for the rest of my trip.
Meters turned into miles.
I finally made it, The train wreck made it to the station.
“Hello?” – Still with this dumb %##$ smile
“mhmmm” – she mumbled.
Smile finally retracted, I leaned in..
She mumbled back, “MHhhhmhm mhmh mhhm”
Earlier tonight I thought, “It couldn’t possibly get any worse!”
Dare to dream,
Just as I was going to ramble on about the adventures of MR. DEAF IN ONE EAR and "Mithith" Mumbles McTerrible Diction.
She grabbed my arm…
All of sudden, I focused, All the noises in the tavern faded, the people blurred (wild bokeh bro), it went silent.
I could finally (and strangely), only hear the lady.
Using my arm as a brace, she got up and whispered into my ear.
“I have a ring for you, it has MAGICAL QUALITIES!”
She said, “The RING ....pause for effect.....Makes you a better dancer!” As my mind was freaking out about the fact that she actually said "pause for effect", a crowd of "Whoooooh girls"...went...well,
I spun around, as no-one can ignore the cackle of the WHOOH.
When I turned back, she was gone, but I had an object in my hand.
“That’s how the creeps in Hollywood do it!!!” I thought.
2 RINGS! Weird.
Makes you a better dancer?! Also, weird.
I walked back to Laura.
“She gave me 2 rings. Said it makes you a better dancer.”
Laura looked me in the eye, deep and said “WHAT?”
“Yeah!, Makes you a better DANCER!? And weirdest thing, she gave me 2!!!”
“Firstly!, She grabbed them and looked at them intently.
“That’s NOT the weirdest thing!”
“Better Dancer, hmmmmm?”
Would’ve been better to get a “makes you “better at photography”, I mean, come on!
This is exactly like Christmas, the people that get mini playing cards in the overpriced cracker,.
THEY GET TO PLAY POKER AND PRETEND TO BE GIANTS,
while the rest of us sit around disappointed, bored and normal-sized with our pencil sharpeners!
"Hang on....” Laura looked up and said
“Jean Claude van Damme was a ballerina, and he pretty much kicked that mean dude with the rather far-out looking pecks' ass in Bloodsport, ........repeatedly."
I stuck my hand out and whispered: “You had me at Jean Claude van Damme”.
We placed the rings on our fingers. Expecting the Bionic Six theme song.
“I told you.”
It would’ve been better to get the “makes you better at photography” ring. It could’ve been awesome. We would’ve made pretty pretty freakin PRETTTTYYYYYY. And not just for us, but for you, the viewer, too.
then the music started playing
First, our bodies moved.
Perfect, Harmonious, Synchronicity embodied.
Then our souls met. The room emptied, everyone faded away, the wild bokeh bro, I only heard Laura, she only heard me. Our souls danced; our bodies followed.
Our Bras Croisé was thought-provoking.
Our Arabesque, vicious.
Our Battement rivals Chuck Norris.
and we Pirouette on demand.
That’s when it happened.
On that night Jack and Jane was formed, some might argue that we got the wrong ring, being wedding photographers and all, but we don’t think so. We believe that a wedding is FAMILIES FALLING IN LOVE. That is what we try to capture on your day, the happy moments, the laughs, the spontaneity, the surprises, which all weirdly happen when there is music playing.
So, to us,
a wedding is not a photoshoot.
It’s a celebration.
Let the music play.
PS. Our dancing abilities were altered for the story, your experience may differ. Due to injuries caused to other patrons, we are now legally obliged to post 3 comments from the fateful evening Jack and Jane started ...
"Pretty much everybody copped it in the face and neck for a good while."
"Jack and Jane was snapping necks as a form of aesthetic critique"
"They left with menacing swerves and winks"
Pinch of salt stuff.
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Weddings start at R2500ph with a minimum booking of 3 hours
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Jack and Laura Jane